If you are a parent who uses alcohol or drugs, there is a good chance your children are the reason you are reading this. Maybe you saw the look on your daughter's face when she found the bottle. Maybe your son stopped asking you to come to his games. Maybe nothing dramatic has happened at all, and you just have a quiet, heavy feeling that your kids are carrying something they should not have to carry.
That feeling is not a verdict on you as a parent. It is a sign that you care, and caring is where change starts. This guide is for parents in Central Oregon who are thinking about treatment, already in it, or newly in recovery. It covers what children tend to experience when a parent is struggling, how to talk with them in a way that fits their age, what treatment can look like when you are raising kids, and how families rebuild trust over time.
You Are Not the Only Parent Facing This
Shame tells parents they are uniquely bad. The numbers say otherwise. A federal report from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, based on national survey data from 2009 to 2014, estimated that about 8.7 million children, roughly 1 in 8 kids aged 17 or younger, lived in a household with at least one parent who had a past-year substance use disorder. About 7.5 million lived with a parent who had an alcohol use disorder, and about 2.1 million, roughly 1 in 35, lived with a parent who had an illicit drug use disorder.
The same report noted that many of these children will never experience abuse or neglect. It also found that they face higher risks than other children, including a greater chance of using substances themselves later on. That is exactly why a parent getting help matters so much. Your recovery is not only good for you. It changes the odds for your kids.
What Children Experience When a Parent Is Struggling
Kids notice far more than adults give them credit for, even when they do not have words for it. Researchers who study childhood adversity count living with someone who misuses alcohol or drugs as one of the adverse childhood experiences that can shape health and wellbeing later in life. In a CDC study of adults in five states, about 29 percent reported growing up with household substance use, the most common of the childhood adversities the study measured.
That does not mean your children are doomed. It means what happens at home matters, and that the home can change. Some common ways kids respond when a parent is struggling:
- Taking on too much. Older children may start parenting their younger siblings, covering for the adult, or keeping the household running.
- Going quiet. Some kids become very good at not needing anything, because they have learned that asking can make things worse.
- Acting out. Anger, trouble at school, or risky behavior can be a child's way of saying something is wrong.
- Blaming themselves. Young children especially may believe they caused the problem, or that being better would fix it.
- Keeping the secret. Many kids feel they cannot talk about home with friends, teachers, or relatives.
If you recognize your children in any of these, please do not read it as proof that the damage is done. Children are remarkably responsive to a parent who shows up, tells the truth in a way they can handle, and keeps showing up.
Talking With Your Kids About Your Substance Use and Recovery
Many parents avoid this conversation because they are afraid of saying the wrong thing. There is no perfect script, but a few principles help:
- Keep it simple and honest. Use words that fit their age. A young child might hear, "Daddy has been sick with something that makes it hard to stop drinking, and he is getting help." A teenager can handle more detail and will often see through anything less.
- Tell them it is not their fault. Say it plainly, and expect to say it more than once. Children often need to hear it many times before it sticks.
- Do not make them your counselor. Your kids need to know you are getting support from adults, so they do not have to be the ones holding you up.
- Name what will be different. Kids trust what they can see. Tell them the concrete things that will change, like where you will be on certain evenings or who they can call if they are worried.
- Let them have feelings about it. Anger, sadness, relief, or confusion are all normal. You do not have to fix those feelings, only make room for them.
You do not have to have this conversation alone or right away. A counselor can help you plan it, and in some cases family sessions can give everyone a safer place to talk.
Treatment When You Are Raising Kids
One of the biggest barriers for parents is practical: who takes care of the kids? For many parents, outpatient treatment is a good fit because it works around family life rather than taking you out of it. You can keep living at home, keep getting the kids to school, and keep working while you get help. Our guide to keeping your job in outpatient treatment covers how scheduling works around real life.
At Rock Recovery, outpatient treatment usually includes:
- An honest assessment. A counselor learns about your use, your health, your family situation, and what you want, so your plan fits your life.
- Individual counseling. Space to understand what has been driving your use and to build new ways of handling stress, including the stress of parenting.
- Group counseling. Sitting with other people working on the same thing, many of them parents too, can take a lot of the shame out of it.
- Family counseling. Sessions that bring in the people closest to you, so the whole household has support, not just the person in treatment.
- Peer support. Certified recovery mentors who have walked this road themselves and can help with the everyday parts of change.
If you are not sure what the first visit involves, our walkthrough of what to expect at your first outpatient appointment covers it step by step.
When Child Welfare or Family Court Is Involved
Sometimes the reason a parent comes to treatment is that the Oregon Department of Human Services or a family court is already involved. If that is your situation, you are not alone, and getting started quickly usually helps. Rock Recovery provides alcohol and drug evaluations for situations like these, and when DHS or a family court is involved, an independent assessment gives everyone a clear starting point. We will explain exactly what gets shared and what stays protected.
What happens in your case is up to the agency and the court, not us. What we can do is help you start treatment, show up consistently, and document your participation with your written consent.
Rebuilding Trust at Home
Trust usually comes back slowly, and that is normal. Children have often heard promises before. What rebuilds trust is not a big apology. It is small things done again and again:
- Keep small promises. Being there for pickup on Tuesday matters more than a grand plan for next summer.
- Be predictable. Regular routines, meals, and bedtimes help kids feel safe again.
- Apologize without asking for anything. Own what happened without needing your child to forgive you on your timeline.
- Let them see you working on it. Kids learn from watching you go to appointments, call your mentor, or take a walk when you are stressed instead of reaching for a drink.
- Get support for the other adults too. A co-parent, partner, or grandparent who has been carrying the load needs care as well.
Our guide to supporting a loved one in early recovery is good reading for the other adults in your children's lives.
If You Slip
Recovery is rarely a straight line, and many parents fear that a slip will undo everything with their kids. Reaching out quickly, being honest in an age-appropriate way, and getting back to your plan shows your children something powerful: that people can make mistakes and keep going. A counselor can help you build a plan for the hard moments before they come.
If a child is ever in immediate danger, call 911.
How Rock Recovery Helps Families in Central Oregon
Rock Recovery is an Oregon Health Authority-licensed outpatient treatment provider (Certificate of Approval #001776) based in Redmond, serving Bend, Prineville, Madras, Sisters, La Pine, Terrebonne, and the rest of Central Oregon. Our outpatient substance use disorder treatment is delivered at ASAM Level 1, with individual, group, and family counseling, peer support from certified recovery mentors, and care for co-occurring mental health concerns within the same plan.
Shawn and Eugene Reece, who lead Rock Recovery, are both in recovery themselves, and many of our staff bring lived experience. We know how much a parent can carry, and how much a family can heal. You will not be judged here. We accept the Oregon Health Plan, Medicare, and most private insurance. You can learn more on our family support page.
Frequently Asked Questions
How many children live with a parent who has a substance use disorder?
A SAMHSA report based on national survey data from 2009 to 2014 estimated that about 8.7 million children, roughly 1 in 8 kids aged 17 or younger, lived with at least one parent who had a past-year substance use disorder.
Should I tell my kids I am in treatment?
In most cases, simple and honest information that fits their age helps children feel safer than silence does. Tell them it is not their fault, that you are getting help from adults, and what will be different. A counselor can help you plan the conversation.
Can I get treatment without leaving my kids?
For most parents, yes. Outpatient treatment is designed to fit around work and family, so you can keep living at home and caring for your children while you get help.
Does Rock Recovery offer family counseling?
Yes. Outpatient treatment at Rock Recovery can include individual, group, and family sessions, so the people closest to you can be part of the plan.
What if DHS or a family court is already involved?
Rock Recovery provides alcohol and drug evaluations, and an independent assessment gives everyone a clear starting point. We will explain exactly what gets shared and what stays protected, and we document your participation with your written consent.
Does insurance cover treatment for parents?
Rock Recovery accepts the Oregon Health Plan, Medicare, and most private insurance. Our team can check your benefits before your first appointment so you know what to expect.
One Plan. One Team. The Whole Way Through.
Your kids do not need a perfect parent. They need a parent who is getting help and keeps showing up. Rock Recovery brings assessment, individual, group, and family counseling, peer support, and care for what is underneath together under one team, so your family is never handed off or left to start over.
Whether you are reaching out for yourself or for the parent of a child you love, contact us through our contact form or call us at (541) 234-3081. We will meet you where you are.
